Gigantic cloud of cash “to leave UK tonight”

“I did maths for a year at university. I don’t think I was very good at it.”

-       Gordon Brown.

April 19 (London) – Investors throughout the UK and Europe were left in the dark over the weekend as a gigantic cloud of cash started surging out of London. Meteorologists said the cloud of red hot cash was being bolstered by unsustainable torrents of hot air associated with the now 14 year-long election campaign. At Heathrow, there were angry scenes as hundreds of families desperately trying to escape the now permanent political coverage were told that none of the major parties’ election pledges would fly.

Six million passengers, otherwise known as the civil service, could be affected if the cash cloud, as feared, is leaving the country for good. Commentators speculated that the cash was heading towards Asia but that the climate just about anywhere looked preferable to Britain. “The outlook for today is in fact worse,” said air traffic control officials. “The forecast affected area appears to be growing.” The cash is surging out of local currency savings accounts and is expected to drift southeast before reaching Switzerland, where much of it is expected to settle. Some climatologists believe the cash plume may be joined by a separate stream of cash currently leaving Greece as fast as it can be bundled into suitcases and stuffed down trousers. As and when the dust starts to clear in Athens, other parts of Europe are forecast to become engulfed, including Spain, Portugal and Italy. In Lisbon, there are reports that townsfolk have already abandoned the use of Euros and are paying for purchases with pasteis de nata.


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