I have created a new category called “negotiations” and added all my previous posts on negotiations into them. I hope you enjoy this once in a while series. Today’s negotiation tip comes courtesy of our friends at Last Minute Training who suggested that one of the cardinal sins of negotiating is to take absolute positions or make definitive pronouncements.
When I was a junior lawyer, I was taught many things about communicating by some great mentors. One of the key fundamentals I was taught was that any statement made or written should not be definitive unless it is an undisputed fact by the other side. Try to put escape routes in your communications and generally make things as broad as possible (the other side’s mission is to make you as “narrow” as possible in your position; hence trial lawyers are taught to phrase questions that only have yes or no answers). For example, if you read this blog frequently, you will notice I like writing using the words “generally” or “i understand” or “subject to” or “assuming…” Generalities have exceptions. Understandings can change. Subject to means a set of conditions must apply before a statement is true. Assumptions shift.
All of these phrases couch a particular statement to some exception (fundamentally, legal drafting is based on a rule, an exception to the rule and an exception to the exception). Non-lawyers call them “weasel words” for a reason. They allow you to get out of positions since the position itself has a built in escape hatches. It is probably 1 of 9,862 things that drive people crazy about lawyers (and why lawyers marry other lawyers- its fun to win arguments but not so good for personal relationships).
The opposite are the absolute statements: “Daddy is always right,” “This is the best used car ever,” “you can get great returns with no risk,” “this is the cheapest Blue-Ray machine in the city.” They paint you into a corner and if that absolute is proven to be wrong, several things can happen:
- You look like a fool and your creditability just went down several notches;
- You immediately become on the defensive about your absolute statement (”…did I say no risk? Well, there’s risk in every investment isn’t there…”) which means you are not negotiating from a position of strength; or
- You spend an inordinate amount of time trying to prove your absolute statement was right instead of negotiating the real point.
I was once told that there are three absolutes in life: taxes, death and change. Everything else is a varying shade of gray so why be absolute when so little in life is not?
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